No doubt emboldened by his audacious invitation to the American president when he visits Australia, Major Jeremy Billycock-Smythe now plans to invite the Queen to a dinner party at Rowbottom, not far from Canberra.
Her Majesty is due to visit Australia from October 18 and will attend several engagements in Canberra, including meeting the Prime Minister Julia Gillard, Opposition Leader Tony Abbott and making an appearance at Canberra's world-renowned flower show Floriade, ahead of her attendance at the Commonwealth Heads of Government Meeting in Perth.
"I know she has a busy schedule but I'm sure she wouldn't mind giving the flower show a miss to fit us in," Major BS said.
"Either that, or bypass the PM or Mr Abbott. I mean, really, it's not like it's the Chelsea Flower Show and it's not like THEY are British citizens like me. They are only in this God-forsaken country because they were born here, what?"
Hot on the heels of securing discarded commemorative mugs for the not-yet-confirmed Barrack Obama dinner at Rowbottom, Major BS has unearthed a batch of mugs commemorating the royal wedding.
Unfortunately, however, they are not from the recent Prince Andrew-Kate Middleton wedding but from from that of Prince Charles and Lady Di in 1981.
"I got them from the Oobagoogu markets. They threw them in with the two Sherman tanks. A bargain, what?"
"Of course, as we all know, the Oobagoogu venture went slightly awry so this really is a silver lining. I knew they'd come in handy one day."
Major BS is known to be still hopeful of securing a knighthood but he would not be drawn on that.
"I really can't say too much. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge. Need to know basis, what?"
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